- “My washing machine won’t spin.” In depth detail about what I’ve tried to do.
- Have you tried another full wash?”
- Do I sound stupid? “Er – no. I don’t fancy a machine-load of soggy washing that I can’t get dry.”
- “What type of washing was it?”
- Does it matter? “Towels”
- “How many towels?”
- What make? What colour? “Just a couple.”
- “Ah, it’s the sensors. These modern machines can tell how much of a load there is and if it’s too small, the machine will switch off to preserve the life of the machine.”
- I can tell you’ve never washed towels before. They’re not exactly lightweight. “So can you get an engineer out to fix it?”
- “I can arrange an appointment. But if the engineer can’t find a fault, there will be a charge.”
- Of course there’s a fault. “So how do I spin my towels then?”
- “Have you tried putting something else in with them?”
- That’s not really the point, is it? “I have 2 towels and I want to spin them. It’s spun my very lightweight handwashing before with no problem.”
- “And what type of washing was that?”
- You want me describe my underwear? Over the phone? From my desk in an open-plan office at work? “Just some tights.”
- “I think it’s probably that the sensors aren’t picking it up.”
- I don’t want a technical report. I want my f***ed washing machine def***ed. It’s only 3 months old. “So can you send an engineer out to fix it, please?”
- “It’s not faulty.”
- “Just give me an appointment. Please.” Before I kill myself.
- “I can arrange one for Friday.”
- “Friday afternoon would be great, thank you.”
- “Oh I can’t guarantee when on Friday.”
So I go home, put a full load of duvet covers and sheets in and it works perfectly.
Sigh.
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